Final Round - 20s Edition
As I navigate the final year of my 20s, I can’t help but reflect on the last decade. I have learned and experienced so much (and yet simultaneously so little). I’ve experienced heartbreak, pain, loss, joy, growth, reflection, resilience, love and so much more that I can’t put into words at the moment. I’ve experienced some of my highest highs and my lowest lows. I’m not sure I have much true wisdom to really share with you all, but I’d love to share some of the things that have truly helped me grow through the last decade.
………..
Don’t stress so much over your body image.
Listen, I still struggle with this and as a woman, I’m sure I always will. I can promise you though, there is so much more to worry about than the way you look. There’s a difference between working out/eating healthy/nourishing your body with good things to FEEL good versus to LOOK good. Y’all, you look good right as you are! I have put way too much of my time into trying to mold and squeeze and turn my body into something it just isn’t capable of being. When I finally accepted that I have an incredible body that is capable of doing really hard things (mentally and physically), THAT is when I realized I want to workout to FEEL good. The looking good part is just a bonus. ;)
If a relationship feels toxic, it probably is. Listen to your gut.
This one has been hard for me. I have stayed in relationships - romantic and platonic - for far longer than I should have. I have such a heart and soft spot for helping others through their personal healing journeys. I wouldn’t be in school to be a counselor if I didn’t feel this way. The problem with this is that people like to take advantage (sometimes without realizing it) of your kindness. When the relationship becomes one-sided and your well-being is no longer considered, it’s ok to take a step back and assess the relationship as a whole. Now, this doesn’t mean that every relationship you’re in (friends, family, romantic, etc.) is going to automatically be toxic if you start to notice it become one-sided. I honestly say this all to remind you that if something in a relationship doesn’t feel right, it’s perfectly normal to question.
BOUNDARIES. BOUNDARIES. BOUNDARIES.
Did I catch your attention? Good. I truly cannot stress this enough - set boundaries for yourself for the sake of your mental health. I cannot tell you how important (and hard) this has been thus far in my life. If someone is trying to infringe on your space and the peace you’ve created for yourself, draw a line. You don’t have to let everyone you meet into your personal bubble. You are allowed to be open and willing to share your life with others while also protecting your personal space and mental health. Not everyone deserves a first class seat on your journey.
Don’t be afraid to question things.
There is a LOT of information that swirls around this world especially thanks to the internet. For the longest time, I chose to ignore and live within my small bubble. I’ve since learned that it is OK to ask questions about things that may not make sense to you or that peak your curiosity. I grew up with the belief that everything I was taught (in school, in church, etc.) is the way it is in life, when, in reality, there is so so much I didn’t know or had yet to learn. There is no harm in asking the questions, regardless of what the answer may be.
You decide your timeline, not anyone else. You are EXACTLY where you are meant to be right now in this very moment.
I could talk about this for DAYS, and I know I have written briefly about this before as well. I know it can be SO so hard to see someone else succeeding at the things you want in life. I know it’s hard to watch your good friends hit those societal milestones (new jobs, promotions, engagements, marriage, babies, etc.), but no one, not a single human being, other than yourself can decide your timeline. If you aren’t hitting any of those societal milestones, or if none of those are in your future, that is OK!!! Every single one of us has our own path and our own desires. We can tackle all of those big milestones, OR we can create our own aside from those that bring value to our own lives. It has taken me an incredibly long time (and I still struggle here and there) to allow myself to be ok with where I am at in my life. I am not behind nor am I ahead. I am exactly where I am meant to be right now. And that is so empowering and so beautiful.
And finally - Go easy on yourself.
Life can be really tough. I’ve gone through some really tough things within the last decade - things that I may share someday, or I may not. That’s my story to share if and when I am ready. BUT, I have made it through every trial and tribulation that life has thrown my way thus far. Has it been easy? No, but each experience/trial that I have gone through has only molded and shaped me into the woman I am at the present moment. I wanted to end with this point of going easy on yourself because life can be brutal. You’re going to have your days where nothing goes right. There may be times where you feel like there is no reason left to live and friends, please if you take one thing away from this lil post, please take this - there will NEVER be a time when there is no reason left. I know you may feel that way, trust me, I have been there, but I promise you, you are wanted and you are NEEDED. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again and again and again: you are loved, you are worthy, you are enough. If you need a break from life, take a break! Life doesn’t always have to be so serious. Please remember that you are one of a kind, and you will always be needed and loved and worthy and beautiful and incredible. Go easy on yourself and love on yourself always. You are your most valuable asset. You are worth it, always.