Go Find Less - An Entry from My Journal

When I was younger, I was always the quiet one. I was shy, awkward and terrified to be left alone in a room full of people. Being shy didn’t really bother me, but I always wondered what it would be like to be more confident and less reserved. I opened up more whenever I was around those who made me feel comfortable, but other than that, I was always a follower and never a leader.

I’m not really sure where the shift took place, but I am now as loud and extroverted as can be. I can do things like talk to strangers in a grocery store without hesitation. Do I go out of my way to do so? Definitely not, but I also don’t avoid it like the plague like a younger version of myself would’ve done. I truly enjoy interacting with others, even if that means helping an elderly woman pick out a yogurt flavor at the grocery story (and yes, the did happen not too long ago). What I’ve realized is that we all just want someone to listen.

There’s this stigma surrounding the idea of being an extroverted human that you are considered “too much”. I hadn’t really noticed how “much” I could be until recently. No one has outright told me so, but I know I am. I know I am loud. I know I can get a little wild and goofy, hyper if you will. I know that I can literally shout when I talk instead of using an “inside” voice. Here’s the thing about being “loud” - it scares people. I’m not sure if it’s my confidence or my life that’s more terrifying to others. One of my favorite people that I follow on social media, Elyse Myers, once said, “If I’m too much, go find less.”

Go find less.

I’ve worked my ass off to no longer feel like that scared little girl. If being “too much” means feeling this overabundance of joy for myself and for others, then please sign me up for a lifetime subscription. I am no longer in the business of belittling myself so that others may feel a surge of power. It’s my turn to be loud and strong and “too much”. I’ve spent way too much time being less than what I know I can be. It’s my turn to scream and shout and feel free to be who I truly want to be. I’ve had my power and my voice taken from me far too many times, so now I fight to regain my strength. I have fought so hard to be the woman I am today, and I will continue to fight everyday to be a better version of myself. I am loud for those that feel they don’t have a voice. I am loud for the little girl I once was that felt like she couldn’t speak up. I am loud for those that feel like they aren’t enough or that you don’t have a right to speak up. I may be a lot to some, but I am perfectly enough for me.

Like Elyse said, “If I’m too much, go find less.”