The Road To Me

I write this with a heavy heart. I am not who I thought I was. In fact, I don’t know if I ever really knew who I was….who I am. It feels like life keeps constantly pushing and pushing. I’ve found my way back to rock bottom once again. I write this with tears in my eyes and pain in my chest. It’s been a long time since I have felt this way. I’m lost and confused. Who am I?

BUT

I have hope and I have faith. I refuse to allow myself to be swallowed by the storms surrounding me. I want to know who I am….who I really truly am. I’m not going to pretend like I have everything together anymore because Lord knows I don’t. I’ve said before how I am going to choose me, but I have yet to follow up on that. It’s time for a change. It’s time for me to find me. They say life is all about finding yourself, well, Life, here I am. I’m ready to fall in love with the beautiful woman that God has created me to be. I know this is not going to be easy. I will fail. I will fall. I know Life is not going to let me go without a fight, but Lord, I am ready. I want to love every last part of me.

I know I am unkind to myself and for that, I apologize because I know I was created to be fearfully and wonderfully made. I know I don’t believe in myself as much as You do. I know I give up on certain things easily because I’m weak. But Lord, when I do fail and when I do fall, will you send backup? Will You remind me that I am Your creation? I know You took the time to stitch together every little fiber of my being. I know you have a plan for me. I know I have abandonment fears, so Lord, will You remind me that I am loved and that I am worth this life you’ve given me? I may not know who I am right now, but I trust that You will begin to show me the beauty of myself. This is real this time. I want to do this right. I want to be a woman You can be proud of. I want my friends to be able to depend on my strength when they are weak. I want my parents to see that I am trying so very hard to make them proud of who I am, but Lord, I need You to show me that person. I need You to mold me and mend me. I need You to heal my shattered heart from years of brokenness. I need you to lead me on the path to who I really am.

Lord, here’s to the road to me through You.