Don't You Forget About You

I have a tendency to say “yes” to everyone for everything. There is nothing I find more joy in than helping and spending time with others. I’m not quite sure if the word “no” is even in my vocabulary....until it comes time to saying “yes” to me. I love giving my love away and extending my time to those around me, but I forget to give that same time and energy to myself. I have a fear of saying “no” because of what others may feel when I deny them my energy. I never want to make anyone feel as if I don’t care or don’t want to spend time with them, but I also need to remember that I need time for myself, too. When do I draw the line and choose myself? 

One of my biggest fears is disappointing someone. Right now, I am in an uncomfortable position of whether I should stay at my current job or find something else. Do you want to know what my first thought was when someone suggested looking for a new job? “But what about the members? and what about my owners?”. Now, please tell me WHERE in either of those statements I fit in. My first initial reaction was to think about someone else when it comes to something that does not concern them whatsoever. All I could think about was everything that would happen if I left for something that could actually benefit me. It’s the same feeling when it comes to spending time with friends, family and others. I feel as if I don’t say “yes”, they are going to be extremely disappointed….but what about how I feel stretching myself thin?

I decided to take this weekend to say “yes” to myself. I left PA for a few days and found a little house by Lake Erie in Huron, OH. I told a handful of people I was taking this time to replenish my soul. Most responded with kind and encouraging words, but there were a few who were completely confused as to why I would want to getaway by myself. Friends, I will tell you right now I do not have one regret in the world setting this weekend aside for me. I’d also be lying if I said it was simple to just leave my worries behind and enjoy my time alone. The first day I practically punished myself for not wanting to be productive, but then I remembered that’s the reason I got away for the weekend. In order to remember who you are, sometimes you have to allow yourself to sit and feel and be alone. The last few months have been incredibly exhausting, mentally and physically. That is absolutely no one’s fault, but my own. I need to learn to draw lines when I feel drained. How am I supposed to fill someone else’s cup if I’m pouring from an empty pitcher?

Taking this weekend away alone has reminded me that self care is incredibly important. I spent my time on the beach and admired the beauty of each grain of sand. I watched the water dance and flow. I listened to the waves and sounds of silence around me. I felt the wind hug me as I let myself relax and just breathe. I wrote. I sang. I read. I drew. I cooked. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be everyone’s saving grace, but when it interferes with how you’re feeling, then it’s absolutely OK to say “no” and take a step back. The people who truly care about you want you to succeed. They will understand if you tell them that you just need a little “you” time. Now, I can’t say that I had any huge epiphany or discovered the meaning of life, but I can say that I have enjoyed the stillness and silence. Don’t be afraid to be alone with yourself. I know it can be terrifying, but I promise you, you are strong enough to do it.

Don’t ever feel bad about remembering yourself and putting your needs first. The one thing I say almost on a daily basis to others is this: You are your most important person in your life. In order to grow and heal, you must nourish and feed yourself with care. If that means getting away for a few days to rediscover yourself, then by all means do it! Even if you can’t get away, take a few minutes out of each day to do something for yourself. If there’s one good thing that Covid-19 has actually taught me it’s that it is ok to slow down. I know I’ve come a long way and I still have a ways to go, but I am vowing to allow myself to say “no” when I need to for my physical and mental health. In order to fill other’s cups, my pitcher must be full first. Don’t you ever forget about you.