Not Always Jolly

It’s that time of year again! Decorations are quickly appearing everywhere you go. Churches are sending out their RSVPs for the most attended services of the year. People are rushing to get last minute shopping finished just in time to gather around the tree with loved ones. The holidays are supposed to bring a different type of excitement and joy in comparison to the other 9-10 months of the year.

Do we ever stop to think that maybe the holidays aren’t as jolly for everyone? For some, this is the absolute best time of the year. A time of love and laughter, family and gathering. For others, it’s a time of grieving and hardship. This time of year is when your loved one passed away or you had to put down your family pet. Maybe, it’s when you broke up with your significant other of however many months or years. This season is when you have to figure out everyone’s crazy schedules and split time between your divorced parents in order to celebrate with both of them. I believe a lot of us (myself included) take for granted the holiday season.

I grew up in a two parent home. Both my parents worked really hard to support myself, my brother and my sister to make sure the holidays were a time filled with love and laughter. Most Thanksgivings, we would take a trip somewhere outside of PA. For a few years in a row, we went to NYC and enjoyed the Macy’s Day Parade and the craziness of Black Friday in Times Square. Once, we went to Chicago and saw Wicked on Broadway. Other years, we took to more warmer climates (my preference) and sailed around the caribbean on cruises. Thanksgiving was always a time of year I looked forward to be able to spend this cherished time with my family. Christmas brought just as much excitement. We weren’t allowed to go into my parent’s room until 8am at the very earliest. My siblings and I would always get up at the crack of dawn (which has definitely changed since my younger days) and go downstairs to rip open the contents of our stockings as we wait until the very second we were allowed to wake our parents. Once we got through gift opening, Dad would always make raspberry crepes, a Christmas breakfast tradition in our household, and Mom would make her homemade cinnamon rolls. We’d finish breakfast, get cleaned up and head to Jamestown, NY for more celebrating with relatives. For me, Christmas was always a near perfect day.

My parents got divorced about 3 years ago. The first time they told my siblings and me that they were separated was during Thanksgiving break of my sophomore year of college. I don’t think any of us, at the time, really understood what this meant. How will we celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas? Will we go to separate places? How does this all work? Was this our new reality? That year, we still spent Thanksgiving and Christmas together in our home, but it no longer felt like home. An eery emptiness filled the air. The year after began the separate holiday celebrations. Now, please do not get me wrong, our parents are incredible people. They have always and will always work their asses off for myself and my siblings. I don’t think we will ever be able to thank them enough for everything they have given us in our lives thus far. Their divorce was the right thing for them. Does that make the holiday season any easier? Truthfully, no. I can’t speak for my siblings, but as for myself, it’s hard to see my friends spend the holidays with their families. I know no one’s family is perfect, but I also know that we can take for granted what we have until we don’t have it anymore. While I was in a relationship the last two holiday seasons, I looked forward to going over to his grandmother’s house where I felt so warm and welcomed by his large family. *Add our breakup last year - two weeks before Christmas - to the list of reasons why the holidays aren’t the most jolly*. Adjusting to our new normal hasn’t been my favorite process of life, but with each year and each holiday, it gets a little better.

My point in all that rambling is merely this: be kind during the holiday season. Well, be kind every day, but I challenge you to be a little overly kind this next month. This is supposed to be a time of giving. Whatever your beliefs, whatever you have going on in your life, remember that not everyone may be as fortunate as you. Some people are grieving losses some of us can’t even imagine. Buy someone’s coffee for them. Treat each day as another chance to make someone else’s day a little less heavy. Be courteous to the people who serve you in restaurants and the cashiers that go out of their way to make sure your sale or return goes correctly. Thank your parents (together or separate) and guardians for the extra hours they put in to be able to afford your Christmas gifts. Thank God for giving us the greatest gift of all, so that we may even be here to celebrate these holidays. Be mindful to those during this season for you have no idea what this time of year brings for them.