It's OK

There is no good way to break-up and there is no easy way to say goodbye. As I previously mentioned, I recently got out of a year and half long relationship. He was my best friend, my partner, my shoulder to cry on when life was rough. He was the best thing to ever happen to me…until he wasn’t.

I’m not here to talk about the horrible break-up or how I wish it wasn’t over. It actually wasn’t horrible and I do wish it wasn’t over, but still not the point of this post. I think I can speak for most people when I say that we, as human beings, keep our feelings bottled up. I know because I am guilty of this too. We walk around with these fake smiles plastered across our cheeks acting like we are happy go lucky humans when in reality we just lost the love of our lives, or our best friend just passed away or our anxiety is so intense we don’t know how else to handle it then to keep fake smiling so no one notices. Well, I am here to tell you that it is ok to not be ok.

Now, you’re probably thinking, “Ok Kait, weren’t we talking about you?” and you’re right, we were…we still are. I am guilty of walking around with that fake smile when in reality all I can think about is the next time I get to go back to bed. I am guilty of keeping everything inside of me instead of reaching out to a friend because I feel I am a burden. I am guilty of dropping all of my emotions on my mom because I know she will listen to me, but I feel incredibly bad about it. I am guilty of acting like I am ok when honestly, I don’t necessarily believe that I am ok. So, I thought I’d be the first person to admit that I am not ok and that is ok.

I think too often we are told that we need to keep our stuff together when really we’ve all got this “stuff” just piling up inside of us until it decides to explode like a balloon. It is ok to sit in the sadness of your pain, whatever that pain may be. It is ok to answer the question “How are you?” with an honest answer such as “I’m really not great, thank you for asking”. It is most definitely ok to reach out to friends and say, “Hey, I really need someone to listen to me right now” because PSA that’s what friends are for! My main goal of all of this rambling tonight is to let you know that you don’t have to have your shit together all the time. I most certainly do not and as of right now, I am ok with that. I am hurting and I am feeling every little bit of pain that comes with my situation. I know I will be ok eventually, maybe even better than ok! But, for right now, I am going to take the time to not be ok. I am going to grieve in my own way. Life can be incredibly unforgiving sometimes, but as a friend once said to me, “In the end, everything will be ok. If it’s not ok, it’s not the end.” So, remember to take the time you need to be sad because I am telling you it is ok.